Christian dating and physical boundaries

6854933580_2c8b688306_z

“No members of the opposite sex in your rooms, except from -pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and only after they’ve signed in. And sexual issues can totally undermine even the most well-intentioned, Christ-centered relationships. But sometimes physical boundaries in dating relationships can often toe the line of legalism. If, “No laying on the couch together, when its past midnight, when we’re alone in the house, when the lights are off, when Conan is over, when we’re under a blanket, when the barometric pressure is below 30, when I don’t have to work in the morning, when you’re not wearing a turtleneck” is one of your boundaries…then you probably have too many boundaries. Your boundaries include the phrase “only once a month.” If you have a clause that states ‘If we follow these rules faithfully for a month we get to reward ourselves by engaging in 30 minutes of premarital spooning once per month”…then your boundaries/motives for actually having boundaries probably need to be reevaluated. Your boundaries include the words “but only when we’re standing up.” Anything that you can do laying down, you can probably do standing up. Or my personal favorite, we can kiss, but not for ‘extended’ periods of time.

While a guest is in the room, the door must be propped open a minimum of six inches.” Seriously, this was a rule. Here’s when you know your physical boundaries in dating relationships have gone too far. And now it’s going to look REALLY awkward when your roommate accidentally walks in on you. Good luck defining those adjectives when you’re in the moment.

What I mean is in the world that we live in there are people moving in together, having sex, kids, etc.

I know that the Bible only favors this in a marriage.

But just as growth happens in any area of a relationship–more time is spent together, communication becomes deeper, more of life is shared–it is natural to expect that an appropriate physical relationship will develop and grow alongside the rest of the relationship. There is no one-size-fits all standard for physical limits.

What that looks like for every couple will be different. Each couple must seek God and decide for themselves where their standards will be.

HE SAID: I am sure every youth and singles group from every church of every denomination has tackled this question at some point or another, because it is a struggle most people deal with in both dating and serious relationships.

christian dating and physical boundaries-17christian dating and physical boundaries-13

With good intentions to guard the sacredness of purity and marital intimacy, the courtship/biblical dating crowd has taken one expression of affection, which has just as much potential as any other to be beautiful and life-giving, and has, perhaps inadvertently, labeled it as .

If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to : There is a question that has been on my mind for some time now.

As dating singles I wonder how far we should go sexually.

I’ve known the most conservative, Bible believing, sincere, godly people get pregnant before marriage because the temptation to be physically intimate overpowered them.

Knowing the “what” or the “how to” of anything can be pretty worthless without the frequent reminder of the all important WHY.

Purity rings, pledges, and even dances and balls have been designed to exalt the virtue in the minds of youth. Which physical boundary is the one we should avoid?

There have been a plethora of books, seminars, and conferences devoted to teaching physical purity (saving sex for marriage) and emotional purity (guarding your heart). There is no answer to these questions because purity is an issue of the heart, not conduct.

Going through the motions of something because you faintly remember learning it was the right thing to do, will eventually leave you feeling frustrated and tired of not being “authentic” (doing what you’d really rather do).

Success in this area especially must have the right motivation to bring the essential conviction for following through.

But what about things like kissing and sharing a bed (with no sexual intercourse)?

It'll mean a lot to get a Christian view on this.

You must have an account to comment. Please register or login here!